Money. Filthy lucre. Everybody wants some, and if you’ve got a little, you’re trying to figure out how to turn it into more. There are tried and true methods for building a monetarily successful website, and everybody is showing up to claim their piece of the pie.

That’s all well and good for the herd, but nobody is going to paint you into a box. Maybe you have other ideas about what success on the web entails. Everybody has written 5 Ways To Make Money Off Your Site, hell, I have written 5 Ways To Make Money Off Your Site. They expect it. It’s what the church and state and the brainwashing from television and public schools have been pushing us toward all our lives.

Well, not today my friend. Today we shatter the stranglehold of institutional pacification and step forward into a brave new world where the puppet strings of society have been severed and you are truly free. Here are 5 Ways To Not Make Any Money Off Your Site. Viva la Revolucion!

1. Don’t Monetize At All The ultimate snub of the man. No advertising at all. Your content is too good, the message too important to be dirtied by something as bourgeois as monetization. Stand strong, like Che Guevara waving the red flag and take your message to the masses waiting to be liberated.
2. Monetize Inappropriately Maybe you follow the black flag and your goal is not to liberate but to simply smash the system. That’s fine too. Throw some ads up that have nothing to do with your site in order to confuse the establishment. Got a tech blog with a hip, young demographic? Throw some senior-targeted ads on the site. Found some text links for polka compilation cds? You’re catching on.
3. Don’t Optimize Your Monetization Got some ads that are sure to sell product? Hmm, well, if there isn’t anything you can do about it, bury them at the bottom of your sidebar. Nobody ever reads anything in the sidebar below the site navigation. Never, ever sink ads into your content proper. People may accidentally click on them, and on top of that they stand out. We’re trying to make sure people don’t notice them, remember?
4. Don’t Update When all else fails, remember that the surest way to foil profit is to make sure that no one sees your ads. Not updating is a sure way to make sure you don’t amass any traffic. If you find yourself in the unfortunate position of having a following, not updating will eventually remedy the condition.
5. Don’t Rotate Your Ads. If you’re stuck with readers and ads and there’s nothing you can do about it for the time being, after following step two be sure to never touch your ad. Let it languish indefinitely. Your traffic will eventually become conditioned to it, like animals to a hunting blind. If you have the luxury of time, you can kill even a good ad this way.

We want everyone to join the cause, so for you brainwashed masses out there the preceding tips will help you make money off your site as well, if you can read between the lines. Viva la Revolucion!

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